Much of the discourse in the sexual field is devoted to female orgasm.
Headlines such as “7 Ways to Orgasm” or “All About Female Orgasm and How to Reach It” represent the prevailing view that there is some unresolved issue with this whole subject. There is a problem.
It is not exactly clear how the peak begins and where it ends.
For men, orgasm comes as a power, clear, fast and accurate. Much of the Tantric practice is devoted to techniques that treat premature ejaculation and lengthening the time of orgasm. They shouldn’t finish too fast.
In general, the Tantric discourse does not really deal with female orgasms. The man is supposed to finish slowly or not finish at all and the woman is supposed to finish as much as she can.
In both cases, there is a mistaken assumption that there is some place to go. There is a goal, there is a desired end line to be crossed.
I say that the problem begins (and ends …) in the word itself – “finish”.
I suggest a new word to work with and its – to “connect”.
When I succeed in being connected to the body, the soul and the subtle feelings of sexual pleasure that flow between them, then no “squirting” occurs!
A connection is created to the whole process of opening and discovering more and more places in the body that receive stimulation, opening, reacting and vibrating until a kind of internal feedback is created, an endless feedback loop that continues to vibrate at different frequencies. It is actually, an experience of a rich, diverse and total orgasm that connects me deep into me, to my sexual organ. This is the way to myself, to the freedom and to the simple truth of being a woman who belongs to the human race.
Unlike the male orgasm, this orgasm does not go anywhere and it does not end – it’s always there. This is the great cosmic orgasm. This is our pulse of life.
The male orgasm has a clear evolutionary explanation but the female orgasm remains elusive and mysterious for many women.
Millions of women lived and died without the knowledge that they could have an orgasm, and of course, none of them knew that the orgasm could have moved her to a different spiritual dimension, or even be the torch in her way of enlightenment.
The orgasmic spectrum is wide: there are women who can finish during the spinning class, during childbirth, when they are nursing or immersing in the Jacuzzi. Some people experience an extracellular (astral) pleasure experience and their orgasm takes them to visit other countries. There are lots of women who are orgasmic. The statistics that we read in a magazine are – only a third of the women finish from penetrating. The extra third finishes only with external stimuli, and the rest simply do not finish at all.
The misconception is revealed in the word itself – “to come to” – as if there is a certain place that marks the end of the process and exactly where it should be.
So there is no such thing.
It is true, that there are scientific studies that have succeeded in accurately mapping different areas are activated in the brain in the moment of orgasm, and it is clear that there is a neurological end to the process. (Involving explosions of more than thirty different areas of the brain), but those who practice Tantric sexuality already know that the orgasmic process can be infinite in essence. A variety of orgasms waiting to be discovered elsewhere in the body, beyond the fast neural pathway that connects directly between the brain and genitals.
How do you get to a place that does not want to arrive?
Regular orgasm, such as “finishing it”, is usually focused on feelings that arise from the genital area (whether it is in the clitoris, vagina, the G or the cervix). The experience is reduced, regardless of the pleasure and emotional discharge. I do not come here to say that there is any problem with this, on the contrary, it is a very pleasurable experience. What I am saying is that for me the whole thing is in the ability to choose – to finish or not to finish.
The field of investigation, space where all this infinite pleasure takes place is, of course, the body.
The Yogic Tantra sees the body as a wonderful and sacred thing, the chariot that carries the divine soul. According to yoga, all our stresses come from the diagnosis that we are not in the body. Our attention is most of the time between the ears. When sexual energy flows in its entirety in the body, it will often encounter blockages that contain emotional traumas that we hold. When so many women treat their bodies in an unpleasant way, as a disturbing factor and a source of shame and pain, it is no wonder that consciousness rises to the head instead of focusing in the body.
Life in modern society is directed at the mental plane, so that even when we reach physical contact, we are still occupied with thoughts, fears and fantasies, and there is no real connection to the body.
Tantra Yoga encourages us to love, nurture, and cherish the body. It is a source of wisdom, happiness, and freedom. Through the body we are connected to the here and now, to the eternal present, to the force of life. When I am present in my body and agree to connect to my feelings of pleasure in a one-on-one encounter, without escaping fantasies, the barriers melt away and the sexual potential is released. It takes time, effort and sensitivity but it is so worth it!
The “connected orgasm” is a full body orgasm, in which sexual energy is felt as a flow of sensations throughout the body. Her focus is in the Yoni – that’s the heart of the whole thing. That’s the engine. This is the root from which the pleasure begins to grow.
When we manage to bring awareness to as many places in the body as possible – the feeling of pleasure expands from the penis to the whole body and becomes a whole sex organ. The orgasmic wave runs over it, it is loaded and all the orgasmic experience expands and opens.
In this place, I discover that the orgasm is always there, it’s like breathing. Like the sensation of the skin, like the vision, one can enter or leave it. Like an Asana (yoga posture) – orgasm involves giving oneself a moment – to silence.
To get inside and become one with myself, beyond who I think I am. In this, place orgasm is transcendental, beyond place and time. It has no beginning and no end. She’s always here. Right now as you read these words, as I write, I notice the connection to my Yoni, my stomach, my chest, my throat and my face. My fingers are typing and I notice my breath. I feel in my body, I feel alive. From time to time I notice pleasant flickering in different areas of the body. A soft golden light surrounds me.
I agree to experience, to love and to shine myself out. When I am connected, I agree to love, to open up to the world and blossom. I have something to give.
My orgasm teaches me to live. Yes!
Suggestions to help you connect to the orgasmic frequency:
– Loving your vulva. This is the basic condition. From here everything begins. I do not mean that you should now take a look between your legs (although it is great), but if your heart has unpleasant feelings about this magical organ, check what stands on your way to love your vagina. (To read “monologues from the vagina” is a warm recommendation).
– Dedicate time to self-indulgence. It’s true that there are more and more workshops, dealing with the Yoni: Yoni Massage, La Yoni Yoga, Jade Eggs, Amrita Ceremonies and all sorts of other things, but I mean just if you have twenty minutes at home, take yourself to the bedroom, spread your legs and place your left hand on your vulva and your right hand on your heart. Get in touch with your breathing and look at your feelings.
– Connect with a partner who is connected to their orgasmic energy. The next step after self-pleasure is to revel in companionship. Two connected bodies that unite together in the act of love, are devoted to each other and to an experience that dissolves all the barriers between them. An experience that connects us to the divine creation. It is especially worth practicing in an intimate place outside, on earth and under the sky.
– There are countless ways and forms to connect to the orgasmic sequence. You will agree to give yourself to the heart of your sexual movement. Fuck patiently. Allow yourself the freedom to explore together different types of contact, with one giving and one receiving. Speak freely about your feelings. You dare to be exposed to fullness, make sounds, groan and vibrate, move, change positions, suck, lick and enjoy your open and liberated body.